Garswood Juniors U10’s and the ‘Jelly’ Cup Final
Since the inception of the F.A Cup in 1872 many finals have had ‘nick-names’ attached to them to commemorate a famous incident or an outstanding performance by an individual. The very first final became known as ‘The Kennington Oval’ Final and who could forget, The 1923 ‘White Horse’ Final, The 1953 ‘Matthews’ Final, The 1956 ‘Trautmann’ Final, The 1973 ‘Montgomery’ Final and most famously the 2006 ‘Steven Gerrard’ Final and those less famous involving Everton known as The ‘Forgettable’ Finals.
This year The Warrington Junior League U10’s Challenge Cup Final between Garswood and Matthiola will go down in football folklore and will be forever known as The Joanne Keary ‘Jelly’ Final.
On Saturday 14th May 2011 the ten members of the Garswood squad, Jack Parry, Thomas Spencer, Oliver Jones, Max Keary, James Hook, Harry Haswell, Joshua Gore, Kameron Stanley and the Wilson twins Jonathan and Matthew gathered on the car park of the Railway Pub ready to embark on journey into cup history. The ten players, resplendent, in their new club shirts and hoodies with the 5 stars embroidered in gold on the team crest to signify the the 5 times the Club has been named Liverpool County F.A Club of the year.
As the players,families,friends and supporters boarded the 73 seater coach for the trip to Warrington Town they left behind them a buffet fit for Champions, ham butties,cheese butties,tuna butties, Cornish pasties and ‘Scotties’ home-made hand rolled chicken nuggets, but best of all was a special treat, Joanne Keary’s ‘Jellies’ .
Staff members at the Railway, who wish to remain anonymous, recall how things started to go wrong shortly after the coach had left, “We heard a groaning noise coming from the buffet room, we assumed it was the sheer weight of the platters that had been prepared causing the tables to bend, it was only later we realised ‘Jo’s Jellies’ had caused the metal legs to corrode”
Parent, Sue Hook, was telling everyone how Joanne had told on the way to match how she had made a ’special treat’ for the players, “Joanne described it as ‘ a light strawberry jelly sprinkled with an assortment of 100’s and 1000’s and infused with chocolate footballs’, I couldn’t believe it when we got got back , it looked like frog spawn” .
The Licensee of the Railway said he couldn’t believe the chaos ‘Jo’s Jellies’ caused, they had taken the colour out of the carpet, the brass fittings had gone green and the ears had fallen off his antique ‘Toby’ jugs, “We haven’t had this much damaged caused since Everton had a ‘keepy-up’ competition in the beer garden and smashed all me windows”. He later revealed how he had answered a knock at the back door of the pub and opened it to two men dressed in black. “They said they were from the FBI, they told me one of their satellites had been tracking Weapons of Mass Destruction and the trail came from Ashton to my back room. It took me awhile to convince them it was just an innocent ‘kiddies’ party, then just as they were leaving some drunken idiot started slurring the words to ‘Blue Moon’ and chanting ‘Ya Ya Toure scored a goal for me’…..if anybody sees that Alex Bowers tell him he’s barred.
Paul Keary, Joanne’s husband, was distraught, ” I first set eye’s on Joanne when I used to stare through the window of ‘The Cake Boutique’ in Ashton, I used to climb over the back wall so I could watch how they made all those lovely puddings, Joanne was one of the girls in the shop but I didn’t know at the time she was only the cleaner”
Although ‘Jo’s Jellies’ were inedible, all was not lost, scientist from the Russian space agency are hoping to fuel future missions to Mars with ‘Jo’s Jellies’, and staff at Hasbro who make ‘Play Doh” are in negotiations with the Keary’s to market ‘Jo’s Jellies’ as a soft pliable alternative to plastercine. Head of the Children’s Toy’s Dept at Hasbro gave a statement, “Its early days yet, the trials are continuing with children’s play groups we are still having problems with nausea, dizziness, loss of feeling in the fingers and swelling of some children’s joints”. “Also Mr Keary’s insistence that his ‘face’ has to be on the packaging isn’t helping, along with his ‘jingle’ ‘Hey Hey Kids Its Uncle Paul Here. Get Your Hands on Jo’s Jellies” .
Club Parent Helper,Dave Spencer, of D.Spencer Landscape Ltd (Garden maintenance, Garden design, Pond construction, Block paving,-free estimates and no obligation. See Club wed-site for more details) has also found a use for ‘Jo’s Jellies’. Dave said “In all my years of gardening and block paving I’ve never been able to find a truly 100% sealant that stops weeds growing between the joints…I have now…..I think ‘Jo’s Jellies’ are a remarkable discovery and I cant wait to get me hands on them” .
Another parent, Paul Hughes, who is a lifelong Everton fan, joined the party late after his beloved Everton had slumped to another defeat at the hands of West Brom. When he arrived Paul thought everyone was talking about a hair removal gel so he began spreading ‘Jo’s Jellies’ across his chest. Paul said ” I was made up when the hair stared failing off me chest and the best thing was my Wayne Rooney ‘Once a Blue Always a Blue’ tattoo began to fade, so now I wont need to have it surgically removed”. ” I’m going to get some more of ‘Jo’s Jellies’ to try and removed the tattoo on my back of the Champions League Trophy, 5 gold stars and the Liver Bird, I had them done after a particularly boozy night in Paris”. Paul’s wife Hazel added “You can get rid of those tattoo’s of Tony Hibbert and Phil Neville as well, they don’t look right on your knee caps” .
Anyway! Back to the game…….finished one goal apiece, James Hook converting a penalty to level the scores and take the match to penalties. After five penalties to each team the score was gain tied at 3 each, James Hook, Matthew Wilson and Oliver Jones scoring for Garswood. At this point a joint decision was made by the managers/coaches of both teams that the Cup should be shared after the pressure of sudden death penalties appeared too much for one of the players yet to step up. The Warrington League Chairman stated that there had to be a ‘winner’, so the toss of a coin was decided as the best way………Kev O’Neill called heads, the coin showed tails…Matthiola were declared the winners. Then back to the Railway it was.
We tried to ring the Keary family for a comment but the phone kept going to answer-machine with the message “Hey Hey Kids, Its Uncle Paul Here…….
Finally just a great BIG Thank You to all those who attended the game and made the day a memorable one for all the players.
